Will You? I Do. (Q/A)

Will You? (Q:)

How do you find someone to officiate the wedding when you haven’t been an avid church attendee?

I Do. (A)

There are a few ways to find an officiate. First of all, when you get married there are two people involved. If one person has a family church and one person does not, head to the family church first and ask them for their guidance. This is of course if you are looking for a different church. Sometimes they will be able to assist in finding a church they are affiliated with in the location you desire. Also, you can call any church and ask if they will be willing to hold the ceremony under their roof. If you are baptized usually a church will consider doing the ceremony.

The Initial Change ...

How to change your Maiden Name!

With every state and county there are slightly different rules to changing your last name once you’re married. If of course you choose to change it at all! The general idea is here though … from hyphenating to changing, it’s all the same! There are also some tips about the initial change

Before the “I Do”

1. Tell bridesmaids, family, guests – anyone who will listen – you’re changing your name. You will have guests who want to monogram towels for you and you want to make sure those gifts have the correct initials.

2. When making honeymoon reservations, plane reservations etc. PLEASE make them with your MAIDEN NAME! I repeat, your MAIDEN NAME! It takes time to change your name and you won't have a passport or drivers license in your new name – you would not want to spend your honeymoon in the airport trying to convince security it’s you.

3. As a courtesy, tell your job you will be changing names. This way if they order new business cards, change paycheck companies etc. they will know and be prepared with the correct information.

After the “I Do”

1. You’ll want the government to know who you are so you’ll have to get a new social security card. Once you get your marriage license (which usually takes a couple of weeks to arrive in the mail), download a form from the Social Security website. Then take that completed form, the marriage license and your ID to your local social security office to get a new card. (If you've gotten creative with your last name, you may have an additional form to fill out)

2. Now that the IRS can find you during tax season, the police are the next guests on your list. Your driver’s license is easy; just take your marriage certificate to the DMV and they will change it up. Some state's DMV may require your new social security card but most will accept only the marriage certificate. Just contact your local DMV to be sure before you head over.

3. Now… just the basics at work. You’ll have to take your new social security card to your Human Resource department at the office and change your financial information. Even your taxes will change and you want to be sure to get credited correctly!

~

For everyone else, including bank, insurance policies, credit cards, utilities, creditors, and membership organizations, type up a letter with all of your information on it, including name, address, new name, account number, and possibly your social security number, and include a copy of your marriage license. There should be no charges to change your name. Also, be sure to order new checks, new credit cards … new stationary.

After all the changes have been legally made, all you have to do it get used to the sound of someone calling you by a different name! It will sound funny at first, but as you start using your new last name, everyone else will catch on. Don't be afraid to courteously correct people when they erroneously use your maiden name.

Happy Summer!

Well ...

It's about DAMN time I get back on this thing! I have been so busy with work and my own wedding planning I haven't had time to spread the love.

Just wanted to let you know, I am back. It may take a while to kick-start me up again but there will be posts. Promise.

Thanks everyone, hope you're having a great summer so far!

Groom-To-Be 101

So, you emptied your bank account, bought the ring, popped the question, and now you get to kick back until your wedding day rolls around, right? That's one way to do it but the best way to keep your future wife happy and keep you from sleeping on the couch, is to get involved. In the end you'll be glad you were involved and the payoff will much more worthwhile.

1. Free Your Mind (and the rest will follow)
This is just as much your wedding as is it your bride's. Let your opinion on reception location, church, color scheme, food & music be known. It is important that this day be something that represents the two of you as a couple. She will appreciate the fact that you are getting involved. Not to mention, when Aunt Clarice asks about the planning you will have an answer... she will also be thankful to you taking some of the questions.

2. Relish Your Registry

It may seem like an awful way to spend your Saturday or Sunday; especially if it's football season, but think about it: You get to wander around a store (granted it has a lot of kitchen stuff), picking things you want that you know someone most likely will buy you -- you can’t beat that. Better yet, it’s now common to shop beyond the kitchen department. Go to the power tool department or the grill department - Hell, just go to Home Depot! Seriously. You can do that!

3. Don't Be a Pushover -- Really

She wants to register for a yellow comforter with little pink flowers. All you can see when you look at it all your friends laughing at you. Try to meet her in the middle. Tell her the color yellow is fine but you're just not too sure about the pink flowers, maybe there is another yellow with a different pattern... slowly remove the scan gun from her hand and walk her away. She most likely is on wedding overload and just needs a fresh opinion. She needs it from you. Find something you both like and you'll both be happy.

4. Give Her a Break
You need to make sure she doesn't have an ulcer by the time she walks down the aisle. Give her a night to relax and cook her dinner, do the dishes, rent her favorite movie (yes, even a chick flick), and remind her why wedding planning is worth the stress. Also, along the way, make sure you tell her what a great job she's doing.

5. Don’t Add Insult

Your fiance may complain about her mom who’s being a control freak, or about her uncle who wants to bring his new girlfriend, or her cousin who wants to bring all four of her kids. Don’t join in on the family bashing. Hear her out, agree with her, but don’t take this opportunity to tell her the things about her family that annoys you. Her bad mood will pass, but your careless comments may stick.

6. Arrange the Attire
Send out detailed emails to all your groomsmen filling them in on the info for the formal wear -- let them know when and where to get fitted for their tuxes, and remind them to return the suits the day after the wedding to avoid annoying late fees. Copy your fiance on the emails to prove that you've got everything under control. It may also be helpful to ask the guys to reply to all if they have a questions. This way you could avoid answering the same question 100 times and if you're not sure maybe your girl can help you out.

The more info you can share, the better. Got directions to the tux place? Include them. Don't assume they'll know anything about this stuff. Did you before you got engaged?

7. Manage Your Men

Know your friend who loses his car keys at least once a week? Probably better not to make him responsible for bringing your ring to the ceremony. And your buddy who tends to drink too much? Make sure one of your more reliable (or sober) groomsmen keeps him from flirting with your fiance’s mom at the rehearsal dinner. Your guys don't have to be saints, but they will have responsibilities, and it's your job to make sure they know what they are.

8. Get Sentimental

The day of your wedding, send her a gift, flowers, or a sweet note to read while she's getting ready. It will remind her all her hard work has been worth it, not to mention it will remind her of why she said 'yes' in the first place.

Groom Tested, Bride Approved.

So you're the best bud, the wingman, the broski, the amigo, the comrade... the Best Man. Well, old chum, old pal, it looks like your best friend has tired of the days of 'scoring hot chicks' and smashing beer cans against his forehead. It is your job to wish him well with the biggest, baddest bachelor party this country has even seen. And by God you're gonna do it with a keg and a stripper!

Stop.

Think.

Haven't you been too about 100 of those kinds of bachelor parties before? Don't you get sick of those dollar pinching girls, EVER? Why not do something really manly, something adventurous, something you need some big you-know-whats to do. Try one of these ass-kicking, gut punching, scream like a girl activities and make sure your best friend knows what he is going to be missing as he says good-bye to his single life.

(If you are a bride, don't worry. All of these ideas have been "bride approved!" It's just good clean fun...)

Surf's Up, Bro

If the groom you're planning for knows how to surf and lives near the beach, grab your boards, your old Ace of Base tape (ok, ok... CD) for the road trip, pack a color of great 'beach' beers and go surfing. If he (or anyone in the group) is surf-impaired, try to arrange some group lessons to learn to ride the waves.

White-Water Rafting

Push the memory of you peeing the boat on the family canoe trip out of your mind, you can control your bladder now. White-water rafting is the perfect macho bachelor party activity and you can make a weekend out of it by camping - what could be more manly than man vs. nature and wiping your ass with a leaf?

Day of Thunder

Take the groom to the race track! He will be able to work off a little of his nervous energy in a fast and furious way! Check out RacingSchools.com for local tracks and programs, they have everything from dragsters, to stock cars and even go-karts for the daredevils! He'll be asking you to call him Mario Andretti by the time the checkered flag is waving.

Deep Sea Fishing

Fishing is an age-old bonding activity for men. Why not charter a deep-sea fishing boat and hope the groom gets to spend the better part of an afternoon wrestling with a marlin? Follow it up with crabs and beer on the deck.

Skydiving

You are going to be wearing one-piece jumpsuits, you are going to have another guy strapped to your back, your life depends on them... what could be better? This truly is a heart-pumping adventure if you really have a daredevil to plan a party for. Bring some portable horseshoes or a frisbee while you wait to jump and when you are teetering on the edge at 14,000 feet, don't forget to look down!

Bridesmaid 101... part 1

Oh the glamour of a bridesmaid; you wear the finest dresses and are escorted down the aisle by the best looking men at the wedding. Ok, ok ... at least they are wearing tuxes.

So, your close friend asked you to stand by her on one of the most important days of her life ... heres what she did not ask you to do.

Lean on Me.

As a bridesmaid, you are the one the bride will turn to when stressed or frazzled from the details of planning. Most importantly, you just want to help in any way. Let the bride know you want to do whatever you can to help her, from picking up the grooms parents at the airport to addressing thank you notes!

Do whatever you can and let her know you are more than willing to help - and do not stop asking for a "job" to do until the "I do" and first dance are long over with.

Rain Over Me (the Bridal Shower).

Most showers today do not have the same pomp and circumstance they had in the early 20th century, but the purpose remains the same: gifts! As a bridesmaid, consult the bride on the theme of the party and the guest list, but ask in advance as to not overwhelm the bride.

Just remember, the bridal shower is supposed to be a little more classy than the bachelorette party, after all mom and maybe even grandma will be there. So smile, cut the crusts off your cucumber sandwiches and have some good, clean fun!

Girls Gone Wild! (the Bachelorette party).

A quiet evening of tea, crumpets and a game of mind tingling Scrabble is what bachelorette parties are all about. SOME bachelorette parties, however, decide to compete with the bar-hopping, raucous excitement of the notorious bachelor party. Some brides simply want a tame evening of martinis with their closest friends, but the most important thing as a bridesmaid is to remember who you are planning the party for ... you or your friend.

If your friend really is someone who would rather have a martini and play Monopoly all night with her closest friends, then that is really what you should try to plan. If your friend would rather go to a strip club and carry around a blowup man, then go for it. Whatever the style, location and gender of the stripper (shh!), the bridesmaids have the opportunity (read: financial responsibility) to make a memorable celebration!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Well, you're either single or paired off and it's the most romantic time of year. Valentine’s Day. (Don't all jump for joy at once.) So, whether you're putting together a romantic dinner for two at home or throwing a Singles Only Valentine’s Day bash, below are some fun (and, of course, inexpensive) ways to decorate and have fun this February 14th ...

Stomachs Are the Way to Anyone's Heart:
- Bake cookies and cupcakes. Crate & Barrel have great heart shaped cookie cutters for just over $5; with those and Nestle Tollhouse’s pre-made sugar cookie dough you’re not spending a lot of time or money! You and yours (friends included) can decorate the cookies when they finish baking and then enjoy them over a nice glass of wine!

- Use a low open vase or clear glass bowl and fill it with conversation hearts! This will provide a colorful “centerpiece” in addition to tasty (?) snack and conversation starter.
(I saw this recently at a friend’s house and it was the cutest thing!)

Setting the Mood: (wink, wink!)
- All you need are some tea light candles and maybe some red streamers or faux red rose petals! Light the candles and scatter them all throughout the house (or bedroom) and sprinkle faux red rose petals (both available at Michaels & AC Moore) around the tea lights and you have instant romance …

- Music gets any party started, pick something that sets the mood you want. I would recommend Wynton Marsalis for a little romance and a little Cindy Lauper for a Singles Only bash, after all, “Girls, They Wanna Have Fun!”

Entertainment:
- At your singles only party, you can have fun laughing with and at each other playing, “Would You Rather? Love & Sex” (Urban Outfitters).

- Movies are an easy way to go, there are so many to choose from! When Harry Met Sally, Casablanca, Good Fellas… you name it, it’s out there!

Gifts:
- Books are always a nice gift on Valentine’s Day. Try ‘Other People’s Love Letters’, edited by Bill Shapiro or ‘Guess How Much I Love You’, by Sam McBratney (both at Barns & Noble)

The list of things to do together or by yourself is endless, just have fun this Valentine’s Day, after all there are 364 other days to say I Love You.

Tips for Planning a Menu

1. Get Creative, But Not Too Creative
Even though you and yours may be willing to try all different types of food, that does not mean your guests will. When working with your caterer ask for things that the two of you enjoy and have them fill in the blanks with classics that everyone loves! This way all your gusts are happy and get to share another side of the two of you. You can also dedicate a whole course to yourselves, make dessert something that you love but maybe not everyone else will and give the rest of the meal to the guests with traditional items.

2. Save Money on Dry Cleaning
Don’t pick an appetizer or meat that has a sticky, messy sauce on it that has the potential to drip all over your guests clothing!

3. Dress It Up
If you’re going with a buffet, choose food that looks just as good at the end of the evening as it does in the beginning. When planning the menu for a lunch or a dinner, think of the plate as an empty canvas and have your food be the artwork. It is a great touch to “wow” your guests.

4. Plan for Picky Eaters
Guests can have a host of food restrictions, preferences, and allergies. When interviewing caterers, ask for an example of a time they've had to accommodate an unusual circumstance on the fly. Also, be sure the caterer or banquet manager has briefed the wait staff on the menu's ingredients. It is also always nice to ask guests on their reply card to list food allergies or vegetarian requests. .

5. Tasting are a MUST
Always, always … ALWAYS do a tasting! No matter how much you love crab cakes you never know what they put in theirs! You may no enjoy it at all and you would hate to find that out, right along with your guests on wedding day. Go taste everything you like in the proposal and maybe even some stuff you didn't. It is worth every minute of being there.